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Sunday, October 28

Road to Transylvania

"Road to Transylvania"
Halloween Story
by Rod Drake

“A vampire!” Chester “Turkey” Hopewell screeched as he slammed the door of the pair’s antique bedroom suite in a 14th century castle in gloomy Transylvania. (In fact, that was their current advertising slogan for 1940: “Transylvania – Always Gloomy, All the Time. Take a Break from the Sun!”)

“Turkey, my boy, you’re overreacting again,” Duke Bingle crooned out in his reassuring manner, “You’ve got the willies, and you’re scaring yourself out of your wits. Or at least half-wits.”

“Oh yeah, funny to you, but I’m fighting for my life over here. I have garlic aftershave on,” Turkey yelled at the door as he pressed all of his weight against it.

Calmly tapping his pipe, Duke replied, “I believe that’s room service with our supper. Compliments of the management since we offered to do our song-and-dance act in his otherwise empty nightclub downstairs.”

“You mean that tomb in the basement! Yipes! I scared myself just saying that.” The door swung open easily despite Turkey’s desperate pushing against it.

“Your meal,” the hunchback waiter mumbled as he wheeled the rickety cart in.

“Meal?” Turkey exclaimed, lifting a container lid from which heavy fog tumbled out obscuring the tray. “Man, that looks like a B-picture on the Universal lot. Somebody call Claude Rains; tell him his set is missing.”

“Don’t mind him,” Duke mock-whispered to the waiter, “he’s been jumpy since Dottie made a picture with Errol Flynn.”

“Errol Flynn! What does that good-looking, classy, heroic, romantic guy have that I don’t?” Turkey huffed.

“I think you just answered your own question,” Duke offered, tipping the waiter. The waiter looked with his good eye at the measly coin in his hand, then up at Duke who added, “Don’t spend it all in one place.”

“Let’s eat out on the veranda and enjoy the night air,” Duke suggested, pushing the cart out onto the stone balcony.

“Yeah, night air does wonders for my appetite, and I’m still a growing boy,” Turkey replied, tying a napkin around his neck.

“Not so much growing as expanding,” Duke tossed in, poking Turkey in the stomach.

“That’s just my muscles at rest.”

As the pair settled down to eat, a delicate bat flew onto the balcony, hovering in the air for a moment, while Turkey and Duke stared at it transfixed.

Then the bat transformed itself into a very beautiful woman in a black, form-fitting, satin ball gown with elbow-length gloves and a huge ruby necklace on the whitest skin imaginable. She was exotic-looking, with come-hither eyes and full lips.

Turkey leaped up, exclaiming, “Now, this is the kind of delivery service I’ve been looking for.” He took the breathtaking girl in his arms and put his ski-nose profile softly against her cheek, purring, “You put the va-va in va-va-voom. Let’s find a nice crypt where we can be alone.”

As Turkey closed his eyes in rapturous love, the girl opened her mouth, revealing razor-sharp fangs intended for his neck, but Duke suddenly plunged a wooden stake through her heart from behind. She went limp in Turkey’s arms.

“Hey, this babe’s gone gaga over me; I knew I was a lady-killer.”

“Junior, I think I’m the lady-killer this time. You were just the blood bank, and she wanted to make a withdrawal.”

The girl dissolved into a centuries-old corpse in Turkey’s arms. “Oh no, this chick’s older than those musty songs you warble. But she looked so gorgeous a minute ago; it must have been a trick of the light.”

“Yes, you being light in the head. That’s your vampire. You were right, Turkey; this castle is filled with vampires, and we’re on the menu.”

“Then let’s scram before some other undead pinup girl wants some of this All-American red-blooded boy,” Turkey yelled as he grabbed their luggage. “Next train to anywhere sounds good to me.”

“Let’s slip out the back before anyone misses us at the club.”

As they rushed down a winding stairway, Turkey asked, “Hey, Duke, where did you get that wooden stake from?”

“Props Department. If we hurry, we can make Berlin by dawn.”

Turkey addressed an imaginary audience. “That place is scarier than here!”

Rod Drake loves Halloween, and old Hope & Crosby Road movies, so he combined the two. Check out Rod's other stories published in Flashes of Speculation, Flash Forward, MicroHorror, Six Sentences and AcmeShorts.

1 reactions:

Kelly Parra said...

As always, thank you Rod for contributing one of your entertaining stories for Halloween!